Many adults unknowingly contribute to discouraging a teen in one of five
ways:
(1) Negative Motivation: Sometimes we make teens feel bad about themselves through punishment, guilt, shame, and name calling ("Boy are you stupid...how did you miss that question on the test")
(2) Doing too much for our teens or solving all their problems for them: People are always making decisions for their teens, talking for them, and doing things for them that they could do for themselves. This will make the teen feel worthless.
(3) High expectations: Many people demand too much from their
teens and give them more responsibility than their developmental age allows. By doing so we not only rob them of their childhood but set them up for failure. When we always strive for our teens to be "the best", the teen considers themself a failure when they come in second!
(4) Not valuing them: This includes not making time for them by making other things always more important. When we do not ask their opinions or value their contributions to the family, we undermine their self-confidence and self-esteem.
(5) Permissiveness: Many people today do not set proper limits for their teens or do not follow through when limits are set, For example, people do not reinforce manners and easily give in to their demands. Furthermore, people today often let their teen treat them or other adults disrespectfully which causes the teen to treat himself in the same manner.
(6) Environmental: At one time or another, teens are mirror images of their environment so if
parents are discouraged, their teens may be also.
Posted 11-22-99
